EMPATHY with the NARCISSIT
Yes for all and absolutely no if you are with a narcissistic individual. Somehow, I have always felt that everyone in life deserves a second chance and if you love them, care for them enough; they will change and will become better and will be responsive to your efforts.
But sadly, this is not the case with the narcissist. On one hand, you being empathetic and want to make the other feel free and set absolutely no boundaries for them to see, "Look, love is not that bad and you can be as you always wanted. And someone is there for you, who will not leave you. Everrr". They think the other way around. They will become that bad toddler and will make you cry and push every single boundary line you thought they will never. It's not them, it's you who is at fault because THEY will never change.
I as an individual have always thought that GIVING, FEELING, and being PRESENT is the crux of any relationship and I believe I am right if you are in a relationship with a normal healthy person but not to a Narcissist. I have been guilty of giving 2nd,3rd,4th,5th,50th chance and still giving myself an excuse on the basis of some back-up story she narrated or I thought it might have happened. Trying to use my love and care to heal the narcissist and make it better.
I could have never believed before this that Love, Care, Compassion, feelings cannot make an individual change and get in love with you or with people in general. Once she saw this, I will do whatever it takes and she just kept hurting me more, more and more with each passing day. I will not lie that I did not see the red flags but I would say that I ignore them thinking I can make her alright and get this relationship back on track. I was trying day-in-day-out without thinking about myself as I only had one thing in my mind but then the dynamic changed when she started doing the same to my family members. This action of hers made me realize and question myself as to what the hell I am doing and what was she doing to me.
Her negative behavior towards my family shook me and only seeing them getting hurt, opened my eyes. I used to have a feeling of guilt but then I did all I could to save it. But this was far beyond the point of healthy. Someone as empathetic as me which I realized after this incident, will get attracted to such broken individuals just like a moth does it to the flame without realizing the damage it can cause to self.
My knowledge was learned over a period of time and accepting that yes, she is like that and she will remain like that and you cannot do anything about it. If you have the power to change anyone, it's just yourself and nobody else. I got wisen up and finally, I rested my case and stood up for my own self-respect and walked away forever. I still remember the day when I asked her for the last time that if we can work on it again and if she thinks we have even a 1% chance. She straight away said, 'NO" and to make it worse forwarded her right hand to shake hands. It was like, the deal is done, thanks for participating and all this with a smile on her face.
I walked down from the floor to my car and I remember how I burst into tears that, 'whom the **** did I marry?." That is the moment when I told myself, this is it and now you will not turn back. I blocked her from all my social media handles and left that house never to return to her or to that place. She knew what it will do to me, how it will affect my health but she did not call or message that day, week, or even month. I hope she learns it as what she has done and what she has lost.
For the one reading this, I hope you never meet such a person.
Life taught me a lesson and all this activity has made me stronger, wiser and most importantly I have improved and worked on my personal development. The Guy who hated reading reads. The guy who hated writing, writes his journal, The Guy who never knew about savings, invests. The day she said to my face "you don't exist for me anymore and I do not love you ." killed something inside of me or should I say, a part of me died. And for someone who has been scarred, weathered and even died a little came back to life , there is absolutely nothing that can scare him off .
For the new girl who will come one day, I hope she has a heart. I hope she can love me back and I am a far more interesting guy than I was before. So, she will definitely have an awesome time and tales to hear .
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