EGO - Relationship Killer .

 

"And they lived happily ever after" . This is exactly what that beautiful story had in the end. But guess what, they did not.  After 6 months into that super love story which made them a married couple, now one of them have realized that "we as a couple are not compatible". Or the second reason is, the ego has jumped in between and now it's all about ME ME ME or I I I and it has led to them filing for a divorce. 

The average understanding of a relationship is that everyone has to sacrifice and sacrifice a lot. Many couples think they are talking to each other with honesty but behind that sometime's is that hidden ego. The Ego, of I, am better than him/her. Why Cannot I do this and this thinking leads you to a paradigm shift in the long run.  

Speaking exactly how you feel and being true to your self for a healthy relationship will require you to. dump your ego and have a change in your thought process and thinking. Many of the modern men & women won't like it, but that's how is it. You need to go beyond your ego and perspectives.

Everything in your life is your perspective. The standard you believe is yours. The way you should dress, the way you live, the clothes you buy /wear. Even how your husband/wife needs to behave or answer a specific question, you already have a blueprint in your head stacked in the most guarded safe in the deepest part of your brain. To be with someone now, will mean to un-lock it. Making the insane amount of modifications to the plan or even worse; draft a new. Can you do it?

This plan to which you are about to make changes or write a new will be about all of the things mentioned above where you had your own perspective and freedom. The way you dress, things you eat, place you stay or even staying up or getting up early, your habit and even the way you speak will all be addressed in a different manner now by someone you have to live with for the rest of your life. You want to hear or not but it is a fact that they will be discussed and you have to do it with a smile on your face. 

You can only live your life according to your truth when you leave all of these paradigms behind. Leaving them behind will create the space for the life which now requires a creation from you. Unless , you are ready to embrace this with mind, body and soul; do not think to fall in love. Do not think to get married because the idea of the perfect bedtime story, does not exist.

Knowing your partner inside-out is important but you got to know yourself first. Do not expect someone to become." perfection" overnight or ever. If he/she are willing to address some changes based upon your mutual consent then it's absolutely fantastic to remain invested. Share your fears and grow in awareness. That will make your bond stronger. All of the baggage you are bringing in with you from your past relationships, need to be kept out and cleared before you jump into another. Please remember, this person whom you are getting married, has no idea about them but you want him/her to behave like her and at times to even better that. How unfair is it ??! 

It is about this time when your Ego will take control if you do not address these fears. The very first fight and you will be reminded by it as how great you are and what you are being asked. Your inner voice will tell you, "You cannot do this ?. Remember, how he/she used to treat you in the relationship? etc, etc" and before you even know it, you start rebelling. Telling yourself each second, moment that this person is a wrong choice. I need to end it. I need to be free and lead to one fight after the other and that is when the ghost of EGO has fully possessed you and the day comes when you finally say the word to engulf you forever, "DIVORCE".

How to take an
Advantage of EGO

But here is the fun part. EGO can be used to your advantage if both of you are willing to address it and are aware that it can benefit your relationship in a way, you have never thought about. What you need to remember is that the ego gets triggered in the worst of situations and when you least expect it. It is in these situations when you fight. Actually, you don't but the evil demon EGO inside both of you does.It is in this time when you use words which are sharper than any other sword and cut right through the flesh of one another. The trick is to let it happen. It is very important that you say it because you know that if you do not use the word,"DIVORCE' in this battle then every other wound can be addressed. If you do not take these words out of your system then they will start eating you from inside and fester your thoughts, which is the absolute opposite to what we want to achieve.

Once this drill is done you would know exactly what other wants or wanted and you can learn from it and take its advantage. Being conscious about what you are saying is the key here. You can learn what are each others love languages or soft spots. Clear all those fears which one has and fall in love again or even more.