How do I move-On from HeartAches .

You know this story: Boy meets girl. Boy tells girl he loves her. There is no one else but her. But then, at some point, the boy says, "It's not you, it's me. Let's be friends." The boy changes his Facebook status to "single" and fills his Instagram feed with photos of himself partying with never-before-seen women. The girl, meanwhile, falls apart and tells her friends how unfair it is that he's already over the relationship, while she's busy analyzing every minuscule thing that she might have done wrong, for months, maybe even years.

Well, this is not how every story is and these days it's the girl who does this and as this Blog is about me and by me, therefore, the story has to be mine

So many of my friends and people ask me as to how did I exactly moved on or I am still from the big relationship setback I had recently. Now, it's not a skill I have developed but a process which took time to adapt . Thanks to my Ex-Wife who gave me depression that I had to go through therapy as I was losing the track of time and reality. I was literally on the verge of emotional and mental collapse if I had not met my doctor's on time , which is a chapter in itself as how I did end up in their hands. 

After reading a lot, understanding my will-power and with the help of my therapy; I have managed to build myself an invisible cloak which protects me from the super heartache. And the latest one also did make me sad, I almost cried but thanks to my invisible cloak , I wore it and 85% of the hurt was cured and the remaining 15% is on the way. So let me type down things which I do , which help me move on from heartache. But before I do that I would also like to tell you that if a girl has a higher ego and has not invested in you mentally, emotionally and finacially , she will move on at much higher pace . Be it a relationship of 6 months or a marriage of 2 years . 

The below mentioned things should only work if you have decided 100% that ,"I have to move-on. And unless Pigs start flying , you will not get back with her".

1) Cut her Off - Cut all the ties from her . Phone Number - Blocked . Whatsapp - Blocked . Social Media - Remove her .  Make her disappear from your eyes and if you still think you might end up searching in your list and dial her number , save her number with 3 astrixes . It wont get dialled and by the time you will go to edit option to remove them , you will realize as WTF you are trying to do . 

2) Acceptance - This is the real deal and it took myself quiet a convincing that she will never come back . My doctor said , " when she does not care when you were in the same room, same house so why do you think she will care for you now and would do anything to save it ". Thinking for a different outcome now is absolutely ridiculous , idiotic and most importantly it's so self detrimental . Thinking to make any self compromises with you is sheer hit to your self-respect, self-esteem and your own self inviduality as a person. 

3)  Mind Games of Heart VS Logic -  Your mind will always partner it up with your heart to take you back in time everytime you hear , smell or see things . This is the time when it makes you feel damn alone and you want to reason yourself and look for an escape from POINT NO:1 . At this point in time think of 5 bad things you faced from her and I can promise you from my own experience that by the time you reach to number 3 , the logic has won over heart . 

4) Lost Opportunities - We all do sacrifices in love and these are something which we all do willingly but if the relationship has lost , you can do all these to your advantage as what all I gave up to make it work with her but what happened in the end . The entire reason of having change of heart was because of this one person alone , such a bitch really ! 

5) Find your Lost SVM , Make list of Old and New Girls - This is what I learned from my online classes from the very great MR.M or MATT  is that the girls Sexual Market Value or SMV as we call it, decreases day by day whereas for the man it increases day by day. The older you get , you have more clarity, better job and future security , experience , etc which actually you did put on hold when you were with her. So , go flaunt that and think of the all the pretty girls you had in your life who were more prettier and nicer than her . Also go out and find new one's . There are plenty of fish in the ocean than you actually thought before this. 

6) Gym,Sports, Books, Netflix - You are sad and by this you actually start blaming yourself . So work on yourself and improve . Do exercises and watch thriller, suspense , sci-fi whatever you want to watch to get your attention away and learn new things . Use the money you spent on her onto yourself . I enrolled myself in few personal development online sessions plus my therapist helped a lot in getting my mojo back . Oxitocin is your best friend . Gym never made anyone look bad than they were before. Exercises also keeps you active and motivates you to do better . Follow 1% improvement a day plan . But do not start watching Netflix web-series where the girl is in love and goes on to cheat or any of those dramas. It will do more bad than good . 

7) Ask for help from Friends, Relatives - When you are down , you do need loved ones around you . But instead of them doing themselves , tell them what you want . Like I had told my Gym instructor to call me at 6PM to come down , my friends to stop me if I start discussing her , my relatives to invite me to all the functions be it birthday of their dog . These gatherings take your stressful mode go away and the support makes you feel connected and moving in forward direction . It's them who actually know the truth that you never did anything super wrong or the type of person you are . I started talking to my Mom and sister than I ever did in my life and they helped me not to feel unloved as they love me un-conditionally and wont judge me. Tell all your loved ones that you need support to Move On . 

8) Pain is the Gain - Let the pain come out as it will come . You cannot hide nor run from it . But instead of marketing it you need to find a place in your house , city or even your societies roof where you can scream if you want to and even cry your heart out . The one most important thing my therapist taught me is that there is nothing un-manly about tears . Let them out and by the end of it you will feel happy.  You loved her with all you could and if she did not reciprocated and even hurt you more in ways you cannot imagine the pain will be felt and has to be released .  But this should not happen when you intentionally play your sad songs list from Spotify.  Absolute No No to that . It's ok , you can cry your pain away for the gain of happiness but only when you feel the pain from inside and not because of a dumb lyricist who himself has moved on by now .

9) Make your Crush List - Look for these fancy celebs. Admire the beauty , listen to interviews and check the photos. Your mind actually know that you will never actually get Georgia Fowler . So these acts as perfect distractions for your mind. Engage it in reading about many such like her or listen to fancy Audio Books these days when driving alone from office or travelling in a metro. The logic behind this exericse is that being firm believer of falling in Love with your GF/wife ; my entire definition of beauty , curves and brilliant human being was her and everyone else was number 2 and so on . So in order to trick your mind and appreiciating as how much beauty and beautiful people are there in the world , I need to start the exploration again .Your Ex was just one of the pretty faces.  Have as many Crushes as you can and make sure you have varieties . Bollywood ,Hollywood,Models, etc . And most importantly it help changes your sexual fixation with her. 

10) Addiction needs Attention - There is no point of taking solo trips when you are married and this would be taken in every negative aspect but at this point in time you do need these. Go explore and see how much the world has to offer and what the people are going through and how are they enjoying life. My job helped me a lot in doing this and made me realize that my problem is so little in mix of all this. The only reason this all was happening to me because I am in habit of making my partner as my addiction and act as a boost in personal and professional space. My entire level of satisfaction in life as a man was connected of her being their in my life. I felt complete but now this void has happened because she is now gone in a moment. You need to accept you are an addict and in order to get cured you need to understand that this feeling which you are getting is not actually LOVE but your mind playing chemical games to the addiction drug which is her not being there any more. Her presence made you happy and now she being absent is giving you stress . Now the brain will trick you even further , it will start removing all the unpleasant moments and replace them instantly with all the good memories. This is an absolute Addict behaviour where after you quit smoking, your mind tells you to have just one more drag . Just one more . You do it and its game over.  In order to counter these you have to be very comitted and follow the points 1 to 9 with full heart and soul. Your mind wants relief from this stress and is doing this self-defence mechanism. You should not let it get triggered .  

11)  Time and Yourself are the only healer  - You gave a lot to this girl and she blew your entire buidling like it was 9/11. So give yourself time and do things. Watch movies, read and become a better version of yourself. The one who has now gained experience and has learnt more than your previous self. If heart-break by the love of your life or whom you thought from past 6 months , can be the one has not killed you than what can. Prepare yourself for the one whom you will meet next as this version is brilliant, modified, wiser and has few more stories to share with her on those romantic nights under the stars , long drives , etc. Become better for your own self love and respect . She never loved you and wanted you to become a perfectionist. Wait for the one who is more practical and will accept you with your flaws and help you become even better human being . 

Now , this is the process which I go through after every heartache. This process has been tested again as recent as 3 weeks .  So , follow it and become better , secure and wiser in relationships . Woman of today are more feminist than they should be . This even makes it harder for easy going guys like us . It's ok , someone new is just around the corner .