I am a Difficult and Different Man to be in Love with

 

The entire concept of being with someone you love and staying with them forever is my idea of true love. I am not that of a demanding guy and adjust to everything in a jiffy, thanks to my zodiac. The problem is that I am not your actual movie or a novel lover. My idea of love is different and it does not involve dancing around the trees or saying those fancy lines. I will show you I am happy for you but the actions would be very subtle mostly. Sometimes, might be too loud. I am a very emotional or should I say sensitive kind of guy and what I will do in what situation is something which is still a mystery to myself.   

Being an easy-going guy with really no big fuss about anything, a good career and family is difficult to be with!  HOW?   

Probably, the concept of ME is something that women, I have been with did not understand. I can be loud and be absolute excited one day and be passive the next . To you, it might give an impression, that I am just not interested.Whereas , it just a mood swing . We both be working and come home tired but I will just be so into and upset about something that I won't share unless you sit and discuss and I might just sit on the sofa watching TV till my eyes shut. Such things might want you to scream and kill me but I am also the same guy who is warm, charming in front of your family, friends and in general.  

Difficult men come in all shapes and sizes. The problems they bring with them may run from the infuriating and even scary, to the merely annoying and frustrating. What wouldn’t you give to be able to get what you really want from your difficult man? . If women were randomly asked whether their man was “difficult,” most would say yes. I will try and explain as to why I am difficult and if a woman wants to save the relationship with me, she can get emotional riches beyond her wildest dreams . I can love you to the infinity and will always remain loyal and honest. Difficult relationships come into our lives for a reason. No one would choose them, certainly. But if we let them, they can teach us how to be flexible with others and more forgiving.  I on the other hand would want you to have patience . A little extra Patience. 

All you have to do is understand my problems as your own, and then learning when to take emotional risks and ask what you want. In almost every situation, you will wind up with a rewarding and fulfilling relationship. " Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational." Pietro Aretino.

So here are few Pointers my future LOVE :

1) Complain but don't criticize me - I know you have a lot to say as my choice of words can be bad along with my talks which to you seem illogical but let me assure you, to me they make perfect sense. Please, do not criticize. In my world,there is nothing as constructive criticism . It makes me feel stonewalled,hurt and lowers morale and up my defence . All this starts affecting respect and can immediately trigger my sensitive side leading to more chaos and not the reaction you want which can lead to a bigger disaster. Happy couples do not build resentments inside and become disrespectful and do unloving acts.  Instead, they gently complain as soon as they notice something amiss. And in my case 85% of the times , it will be you who will be bringing up these sensitive issues .

You can complain about a particular habit,act or a situation and I will patiently listen and work on it but do not give names , analyze character and say things like,"you know what your problem is" . This will make me lose interest and eventually yours and we don't want that to happen. For example - You can say , (name) you forgot to bring bread and eggs from the market as its Thursday . Can you go now or bring tomorrow for sure rather than saying ; (name) you never remember anything. How lazy and forgetful can you be ? .  The first way will make me realize and I will do what I can not to repeat it but the other will hurt me more but you will get your eggs and bread. But we all know which one is good option for us . 

2)   Negativity makes me Deaf & Mute - I can be affected by anything really. From my favorite team losing a Football match to something happening at the office or a friend doing something he should not have or its your behaviour . This all can affect me and make me go mute , deaf and become absent minded. Regular criticism will not make me this way but because I am really not able to process this emotional hit which has come along with it . This makes my anxiety level go high making my heart-rate go through the roof . 

When you know that I love you and really care and can never do anything intentionally to hurt you then why you can't be a little different in dealing with me. So, instead of screaming,saying nasty things on the phone and going absolutely crazy when I am late , you can replace that with ,"Hi , where are you babe ? . I am home and waiting for you" . This will make me remember and realize all the things I actually did miss and have done. I will come home , be apologetic and explain you exactly what happened and tell you the truth and only the truth . 

Its just about being gentle with me and have a little patience. I completely understand that breaking it is going to be very difficult. So, my suggestion is just to try it once and you will see how I react,behave and make changes. Just once, complain and not criticise . You are on your way ! 

3) Be Positive and stay Positive - My entire life and career today is only because I was positive. From supporting a cranky football team like ARSENAL FC to my career choice of being a sports and event management professional , I have been nothing but positive. I want you to be the same . Just remove criticisms and replace them with complaints and be positive about the whole outlook . I am trying to tell you that I can change but what you won’t ever change is who I really am. And if you ever loved and respected me, that’s probably best. I will call these and make modifications to myself if I think they are good for us and myself . Do not assume things. Assumptions ruin relationships. A relationship is an art and it takes two to perform equally when painting the picture. When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself.  

4) Bank Theory - This will make us close, better and without going through massive pain.  I read this LoveBank theory somewhere : 

Think of your relationship as a bank account, except that at the Bank Of Love, you have to deposit at least $5 for every $1 you withdraw, or you’re broke. But the 5:1 ratio just covers bare-bones survival. Research shows that love’s happy millionaires squirrel away $20 of hugs, kisses, adoring gazes, sexual enthusiasm, compliments, supportive comments, and kind and respectful acts for each $1 in negativity they spend.

5) Your Attitude with me -  Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.  I know for a fact that my commitment towards you will not deplete ever and I will find my own ways to show my love, care and respect you for who you are. But you got to be a little crazy to be by my side. I am not your regular normal next door guy and I am happy with what I have and who I am.  Only ask for a ride if you love rollercoaster. After a fight, if you have no intent to resolve then do not start anything with me. I am pretty much an old-timer who will do whatever it takes to make us work without having a thought to leave you. So, if you are not aligned with this value ... don't come near me. 

Conclusion :

I have reached to a conclusion that I cannot take shit-tests and your own ways to try and annihilate my character in each fight. You so got to mend your ways and be respectful or I am so done. I will call you out for your ways and the way you handle an argument but if you are all about crap and don't like me calling you out and ask you to behave and hold you accountable, I guess it's time to walk out. 

I have my own values, principals and way to live and it's a reason why I am here in my life. You can be part of the journey and walk with me on my path and purpose. I will try and make you understand once but if it's just me who is trying to save the ship each time, it's probably done & dusted. It just doesn't work out. I am the star of my own movie. 

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. No matter how hard it gets, I won't leave or abandon the ship and you have to do is just believe in us. And most importantly have faith in me. 

FAITH IS US !