Castle Analogy

 

I was having a little late night talk with my friend's last night . Standing outside this late night cafe watching different people , the topic of relationship popped up. Going through the entire debate was  fun. On my way back playing OCEAN by SEVEN LIONS and blasting speakers crossing empty roads , I had a thought. 

In that discussion the words like ; Vibes , Compatibility , Connection were mentioned by my female friends. In other words one in particular , G . She was about feelings you get from someone . She believed in the highlights of the relationship whereas the other M was more about ,"ALL MEN ARE DOGS". 

Now , the thought is relationship cannot be defined by highlights . "what an amazing trip we had", "It was a fantastic vacation" , no. It has to be defined by the small ugly moments as what the other did in those times.  You need to see the trash cans in your relationship . When the going gets tough you only think of those good times . That vacation , super trips won't be many . What will hit you more often are the Trash can days . If not more then at least 20 mins everyday . 

The moments which are micro attractions . The moment where we think about them when we not need to like sitting in the office . Is she Ok ? , why did we fight on a stupid topic last night ? . Let me make it up to her by sending her flowers in her office , A cute little letter , etc . Action to these topics is what you should focus on. 

But today the number of people who are staying in the relationships are all about remembering the only Happy Moments . And that is the specific reason they break it up this easily . Nobody wants to understand that one person and build happiness with them . You need to be happy and not exactly in so called Love all the time. Because Love can cut you if you are not happy . I was in deep love in my LTR but was I happy ... No. Her questioning me all the time and making me feel incompetent to make her happy broke me in half. I tried everyday to make her smile and we becoming happy whereas she was working on her exit plan. She stopped bringing me joy . I was in love but she brought me anxiety, heartaches,lowered my confidence, constant pain , feeling of overlooked and just not important anymore feeling. 

The day I actually decided to be in a committed relationship was the day when I myself was ready to build a castle. Castle analogy is ;" A relationship is like a castle. You find a plot of land that has a lot of potential. Then, bit by bit, you build the castle. But it takes work from both of you". If the other is not responding then have a conversation . But do not expect them to do exactly as you desire unless you clear exactly what you want .  The ability to have genuine empathy to not say a very spiteful thing . The damage you or other can cause in such a way is significant. But how do you not say it and if you did , how to work on it. That is building a castle . You never have a thought to abandon it is the most important part. 

Making it last forever is not an easy task . You need to live it , work on it and build it .  

Getting up and convincing yourself ,"We are not Compatible" is the easiest way out.  

Does he listens to you , Does he cooks for you , Does he tries to make you happy , etc , etc are all easily spotted things . But have you thought of doing the same for him ?? 

Sometimes doing house chores might not be important to you but he is not aware of it . He is doing it with all his heart to make you smile. And if you want something else , tell him . Do not tell yourself , He should KNOW!!   If he knew, he would have done it .  Love needs building . Brick a day . If he/she are not completely insane and not all responsive or cheating .....you always have a window.  It's a little but not that complicated if you are willing.