My Reasons to Walk-away from the One I loved

Kurt Vonnegut, who was in some ways an extremist about love but also had a healthy dose of irreverence about it, in The Sirens of Titan:

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.

Anaïs Nin, whose wisdom on love knew no bounds, in A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin & Henry Miller, 1932-1953:

What is love but acceptance of the other, whatever he is.

Stendhal in his fantastic 1822 treatise on love:

Love is like a fever which comes and goes quite independently of the will. … there are no age limits for love.

But perhaps the truest, if humblest, of them all comes from Agatha Christie, who echoes Anaïs Nin above in her autobiography - It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.

Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure. The above two lines are the exact definition of the word ,'Love". Have you ever been in love ? Have you ever wanted to give your everything to someone ? . I am sure many of you have and know exactly what I am talking about .

Here are my 6 Reasons when one should leave the person they love :

1) Your Partner Disrespects you -  Two people can only stay together in a relationship when you have mutual respect. They might love you but if they make you feel disrespected then it will not work. The foundation of any relationship is "Respect". You break that then it's over.  RESPECT =LOVE . LOVE=RESPECT (NOT AT ALL). 

Everyone is concerned about self respect . And dignity will always come first before anything else. In my relationship I could just see the level of disrespect going through roof. I tried a lot to solve it but being a human I did give it her back during the last few months. Maybe she will see what she is doing to me and will become better. Shit plan ! Did not work out at all . So keep a thought . Do not disrespect the one you love intentionally all the time . 

2) Your Partner Does not Emotionally Help you -  My entire cry in my LTR was this . I would come home and want emotional support at times . Wanted to give her that as well. But she never did . Absolutely never opened up and on the other end used my emotions to hit me back.  Being vulnerable means to open up . Emotional support is the support of two people who love one another . 

If you hide your emotions all the time then it can give an impression that you are being cheated or feel slighted. Vulnerability opens the possibility of pain . I took a step and shared everything in the hope she will as well. But today I believe her own insecurities were so high that she kept hiding. She must have been taken advantage of in the past but that fear cannot be kept with your partner.  Rough patches will come and being vulnerable can be difficult. But if you don't give emotional support then they won't be vulnerable with you . I had actually stopped sharing my secret worries with her because of the fear of being unheard or ridiculed. 

3) Loss of Physical Intimacy - I was someone who was in love. I remember getting up each day and making a point to see her face on my side. Kiss her forehead and get up. When dropping her at friend's place for car pool , I would hug her and greet her the same way when she was back if I was early back home. I never let this habit go away but when your partner starts pulling away and love making becomes dead then it's a problem. 

I loved her but my entire feeling of sex is very sacred. To me it's like a bond that glues the couple together. To me a simple touch , hug, skin to skin contact or all those  non-sexual physical intimacy contacts did wonders. I really feel that just the way you touch your partner can tell you a lot about how are they feeling.  In my case I know that she had stopped making love as a punishment to me and would only initiate when she wanted. It was a very hollow feeling at times. 

The Loss of physical intimacy I believe is like a first step towards loss of emotional intimacy . And when it's gone you feel so tempted to look somewhere else. I won't deny the fact that I felt it sometimes as well . But being honest and loyal I never did and infact told her that I will wait till she gets normal and we have to fight this through . She never tried and even said it that she won't. So if you are going through the same then talk it out and clear. 

4) They Don't feel you are enough - Believe it or not but I never felt that I am adequate for her. She never said it even once that I am in anything I did for her. Nor before got married nor during . Her entire way of questioning me in everything I did made me lose confidence in myself.  This was also one of the reasons for me walking out from the toxic relationship it had become. 

In her eyes I just could not do anything right. She would question , taunt in almost everything. It reached a stage where it had started affecting my professional life as well.  For a guy who has made his entire career on his own terms , leads a team of 100+ people and takes decisions almost every minute when told by partner that you are not good enough to do anything hurts. Instead of explaining your partner how you think it should be done than just blaming them for doing everything wrong will only make the person walk one day. 

5) You are Ignored/Unheard - Communication is the key to any relationship and if you are not communicating with clarity it will become a problem . Communication does not mean that you need to talk for hours & hours. It's about talking and listening to each other. This will only happen when both of you are on the same lines in regards to communication . 

Do you really listen to your partner or you just listen for the sake of responding ? . The number problem I faced was the expectation to read mind . Nobody is a mind reader and you should never think that your partner will understand what you want without you saying. These are very disney movie talks and don't happen in real times. She never shared anything deep with me as how she feels we can make her fears go away. If your partner does not fight , keeps it inside and never ever finished a fight then you are heading towards an iceberg in your Titanic. 

You have to make your partner comfortable enough to say anything they have inside. It might be a bitter truth feedback but trust me it will be worth it . Give your partner space to speak and listened to and express themselves. But if they themselves decide not to like in my case then you need to do something about it . It will just become mental trauma for you and they are having build up for a volcano . 

6) No Emotional Connect - I read a study that love and passion which comes with the initial boost of new relationship has a tendency to go down in 2 yrs  or so. That is why the best relationship are the one's where the core and foundation is friendship . Emotional connect is often what sustains long lasting relationship. 

In my relationship I had made her my best friend but she on the other hand never thought of me as one. This was also one of the core reasons she never tried harder than she should have. I very clearly remember telling her this in a text one day to which she responded ,"we can never be friends". Such talks kills you right with dagger through your heart but what can you do if someone does not want to stay with you . 

So if you are going through any of these or all of them do let me know how are you dealing with them. Can you relate to any ??