Yes , I'm Single .

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This summer, I have been very productive. I have worked a lot on personal development. I have worked very hard to save my permanent job and the team . Also got to work at the Olympics in Tokyo , and built a resumé in my eyes that will stand out amongst the rest. Can proudly say I have worked at 5 olympic events now and almost every big sporting spectacle is on my CV . 

The personal front started with a good and a bad news . I finally managed to end my toxic relationship after months of pain and court process . Paid her money to please let me go . The bad news is that now I have a tag of Divorce on my sleeve which I never thought I will have .

About these accomplishments, I am thankful; however, I am not satisfied.

It did not take me until this past monsoon to realize I do not think anything will truly fulfill the emptiness I have carried with me since I noticed it. It is not depression. It is not underachievement. It is having everything, but that one person.

Sure, I have great friends and family; however, I do not have that one person, or at least I have not found that one person who does not have to compromise for me, but will compromise for me because I am that important to them. I have compromised for others before, but I have never had that person who did it more for me than I for them; that one person who wants to spend the rest of their life with me. 

I was in love with my ex-wife but she broke my heart and it broke me more even as a man when I found out that she never loved me . From the day I met her to the day I found out , she was just pretending as I was a rebound guy.

I am in my early 30's and seemingly have years of life and people to meet left ahead of me. It's quite possible , I have already met that one person and she or I, have not discovered it yet. Regardless, I feel a little pressure to find her because I do not want to wait forever.

I am in abroad right now and living a dream life but the emptiness kills me sometimes. When I see couple's on the beach holding hands , eating dinner in a restaurant laughing , smiling , etc . ; it just sinks my heart. I remember how I used to end up buying for my ex wherever I was. There have been times when I wanted to order T-shirts for myself on Amazon but ended up buying 2 dresses for her. I so want to do that again . 

I was in a store recently and saw this beautiful dress. I almost requested the store lady to give me her size only to realise I am now single. I do not believe in disney fairy tales and happy ending's. Life is hard and the bitter-truth is that I just might not find anyone again. I am not looking for someone perfect but just someone who love's me and believe in going through ups and downs of life together . I don't want to make the same mistake again of falling for a toxic person. It's better to be alone than in love with a toxic woman , I am aware of this as well.

For now I will keep working on myself and not go on a crazy hunt to search for love. But yes , the emptiness sometimes is too much . I am working on it as how to handle it. I have learned what inspires me , motivates me and makes me going for now.  So , I am doing alright but not exactly on a look-out for love . If someone comes , why not though. 

But if you ask me , do you want someone desperately - My answer is NO.  







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