Ready to Love Again

On this valentine's day, I asked myself a question, "Can I love again?".

Putting yourself out there again can be challenging, especially if it’s been a long time since your last romantic relationship. And sometimes you may not have moved on completely after a breakup. Trying to love again is a courageous act. It can take even more courage if your past relationship was bad or challenging.

Taking the time to heal from this experience and learning to express your thoughts and feelings will help as you recover from this loss. While everyone reacts to a break-up differently, everyone does become a little wiser. For someone like me, who was in a mentally abusive relationship or worse if it was physical abusive it can be a scary thought.

Grief is a normal response to loss. Most people associate grief with the death of a friend or loved one. However, any change in circumstances or relationships can trigger a grief response. It's normal to feel sadness and question things, especially after a bad break-up and before you fall in love again. There are different stages of grief, and knowing what to expect and why you feel a certain way at a specific time is all part of the healing process before you are able to fall in love again. The stages of grief may occur in order for some people. Others may go back and forth between stages until they feel they have recovered from the event. During this time of transition, you may feel frustrated, but it's okay not to be "okay".

I remember when it started happening with me I kept ignoring and shutting this thought. This is a period where you may feel in shock and tell yourself, "This can't be happening." You may feel like you can never fall in love again. It's not uncommon to feel angry or upset after the end of a relationship. During this time, many people lash out at their ex. And I can tell you today that I did it. I never lashed out at her but yes, I was angry. Anger lasted 30seconds where I would be literally crying and raising my voice with random people. My anger was sheer out of frustration. It stopped, eventually. Friends who faced the brunt knew what I was going through.

One big mistake I did which many do to save your love is to beg. Especially if a relationship lasted for a long time, individuals may feel the need to "make a deal" with their ex. For example, "If you give me another chance, I will do whatever I need to in order to make things work." This will not let you fall in love again. It's only temporary relief and it will fade out. There comes the point in the grief process where the realization that things are not going to change sets in. This is the time when you learn to accept what has happened (even if it's still painful) and move on. This is also the point when you are in the right headspace to fall in love again.

I do remember talking to my therapist that day when I asked her this question. And her response was, "surely, why not !". She further explained how getting cheated, betrayed or made fools are all parts & parcels of the Game of love. If you want to fall again, be ready for those again. Be ready to get hurt again. You cannot have baggage from your past when you are eying true love. True love has to come from consistency. Consistency will come from gestures. And gestures will happen if you really want to.

The point is can you ever prove to someone how much you loved your ex. What's the metric ? . A number which you can say will define your love for them. It's an impossible question to answer. You did things for them unknowingly when you were in love with them. When you were buying a T-shirt for yourself online; out of nowhere you liked a dress for them and you ordered. You went to the fridge to have a glass of water and got them one as well. You said Goodmorning and I love you to them before getting up from bed and checking your phone. It was not one but the accumulation of such small things that made it happen. If you can do all of this again, then yes you can surely fall in love. If you can listen to her bad office day frustrated talk without explaining your amazing day, yes you can fall in love again.

I, like many of us, find it difficult to move on after the separation of a long term relationship. Many of us stayed glued to the old mad crazy love even after it has faded, deteriorated, or even become toxic. No matter how abusive, neglectful, or unfaithful our partners have been, some of is hold onto the dream we had of creating a life together.

Falling in love again takes time. Before you can connect to a new person, you must reconnect to yourself. For starters, take stock of your strengths. You have now become wiser and got your lesson and have become mature and also have some life experience. You are in a much better place than many others and also have a much more interesting personality. You have more to offer than your previous boring, weak and crying version. This new version of mine is scarred, bruised, and part of me died but I rose back like a phoenix. Today, I know what my weaknesses were and I have worked tremendously on myself to improve upon myself.

I do not fear intimacy with someone new and have connected with myself on a much deeper level. I know what I don't want as well from a new partner. I am free in mind and soul and ready to fall again.