Experiences of Life

  9th Sept. 2019 . This day holds a memory and something to which I am never proud of . But this very day is the day when I actually spoke to myself for the very first time . The entire concept of killing yourself is not easy . You really need to think a lot as how to do it . Hanging yourself was not my type of dying and being food critic I was never really into self poison. I have seen enough violent movies in my life to figure out dying .  I remember very clearly , how I kept sitting in my car with her gone upstairs . I was angry but sad, embarrassed, cheated,heart-broken and felt that my entire world just crumbled in front of me . And to that I was mere a spectator. Helpless. The feeling you get when the love of your life is killing you with words and radio silence is deafening . That is the moment I realised that I might be physically strong but it's her with words who is more powerful .  We reached home and she walked out of the car . Walking in her glory . And me sitting on t

Kurt Vonnegut , who was in some ways an extremist about love but also had a healthy dose of irreverence about it , in The Sirens of Titan : A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved. Anaïs Nin , whose  wisdom on love  knew no bounds, in  A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin & Henry Miller, 1932-1953 : What is love but acceptance of the other, whatever he is. Stendhal  in his fantastic 1822  treatise on love : Love is like a fever which comes and goes quite independently of the will. … there are no age limits for love. But perhaps the truest, if humblest, of them all comes from Agatha Christie, who echoes Anaïs Nin above in her autobiography - It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them. Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection,

  Sometimes , you just think about someone with nothing in mind . It's just a pure emotion . You like them as a person , human being & a little more than friend . But again you haven't expressed and probably no intention in near future.  You just want to connect with them but they seem far away in distance . I recently felt the same .I wonder if she ever dreams of me and never tell me like I never tell her. So this is me expressing ...Truthfully .  The day ended and I dialled the favorite number , It ranged five times before I disconnected & wondered, I smiled , and expected a call back , Seconds become minutes, minutes into an hour . Maybe she slept ; said the heart ,  Maybe she's angry the head , maybe bad timing said the roomie ; The confusion kept me up till the fatigue took control , Morning brings to the conclusion, Speaking Truthfully, I miss you more than you do me .

Divorce sucks, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one who wanted the split or the one who was left behind confused and bewildered — if there’s one thing to know about the divorce process, it’s that it bloody sucks . And that’s just the way it is. My divorce just got finalized 2 weeks back after almost 11 months of mind numbing,heart-breaking back-forth bickering and banter. I always wondered what it would feel like when it was finally over, when the phone calls from our lawyer who was also my dad's cousin would stop coming in, when my ex and I would come to the agreement that made us both feel content in our new situation as divorced . More than her it was actually me who had to make myself understand and end up paying the extortion money. I was saving all this money to buy a new car but I guess I bought PEACE instead . It's the best thing one can buy with money and I did . It is an unfortunate reality that there are manipulative and narcissistic peo

  Having a manipulative wife is potentially very damaging to your marriage. She can and do wreak havoc in your life. The important thing is not to let her think she has the upper hand and has upset you, which is easier said than done.   You might be getting manipulated in your relationship without even knowing it.  Manipulation can be defined as using influence and intimate knowledge of the other person’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities to exploit them emotionally in a bid to control them to serve one’s own end. A manipulative wife might be doing exactly that and you are unable to understand the signs of a devious woman. This manipulation will happen when the other person has gained complete control over you.This will happen especially when you are fully committed like marriage or in an intimate relationship. She will behave nice , get you going and your love,trust and emotions will be absolutely ripped apart without you even realising it . Manipulation is a huge and probably the bigges

  "Boys don't cry " was put in head when I was a kid and in school and then "Men don't cry" for the rest of the life . But this is the most bullshit statement you can come across.  I remember how every single time I felt something in my eyes , how I wiped it off.  Crying in front of your friend's meant you are going to be the topic of discussion for every conversation . This is exact same reason when I actually felt pain in my LTR , I was more embarrassed about me as a man crying than the situation I was in .  I remember not having words and wondering what I would answer with if she asks. But then I felt the tears forming, and suddenly, all I could think about was that I was about to cry sitting on the couch in complete darkness.  The pain I felt that night was harder than I felt when I had dislocated my shoulder . With her in the other room, I could not even scream and could not even sulk for long. That is the day when I realised that I still have a sid