Experiences of Life

  When you marry someone , you love them with everything you got . You make them your best friend , No:1 on speed dial and just the best person ever to be with . But no matter how macho , great , awesome you feel there is very high chance that you are no longer her centre of the universe.  The signs I am about to mention are all what I saw but I never had the courage to dig deeper to find out as who was the man or was she just out in the market trying to trade her hypergamy . It did hurt me to the core and I was broken as a man. I tried everything to ask her , save our marriage but she never actually gave me a solid enough reason to end it. Finally , after 9 months of trying to save it I gave up and accepted it . Did let her go but she took much more than just breaking my heart. Might be the guy she was with encouraged her or her father or her lawyer but she agreeing to do all this has left a big big mark .  But what more I had to accept was that apart from being betrayed I might have

  In these tragic times of Covid-19 times we all are stuck at home. But one thing which many youngsters or singles feel is the urge of a little romance . He has a new GF , She has a new BF , people getting married or posting reels and pictures on Instagram of "couples" kills you .  This leads to a search .  Search of a lover ,The ONE . So people in these times use the most advanced weapon and gadget created by the human race of 20th Century , "Mobile phone". It's your wingman. You download these apps of Tinder , Bumble ,etc and start your search . Swipe left to ignore , Swipe Right to fall in love.  But the Research here says that numerous hearts have claimed that they got hit by the Cupid arrow as they saw the very first picture.  I heard a thunder , lighting flash and my heart said ," She is beautiful. She is the One I have been waiting for. My entire existence is for her . It's Love at swipe Right".  In my time of being in college and my early 2

   Today , I really feel as I should tell you as what I did come across was a narcissistic individual whom I made the mistake of making my wife . So , what exactly is narcissism . Let me break it down for you today before I give you traits of such a wife .  Narcissism is a set of personality traits . Characterized by being self-centered, having a sense of entitlement,having a need of admiration and most importantly low agreeableness. When you move past this . It has two types of Narcissistic people   : 1) Grandiose 2) Vulnerable 1) Grandiose - You will see them being super confident , Superficial charm , being arrogant , being resistant to criticism,being callous, unemotional and having externalized anger.   2) Vulnerable - They will be distrusting, feeling insecure,resentful, having lot of shame, being hypersensitive to criticism , being distant, cold,unforgiving and having internalized anger.  But during my therapy and learning more and even being with one I was told and experienced

  "I fell in Love with her .  I married her . I was so excited about my life with her and even wanted a child.  She was the one person I chose in my life who made me happy. She made me feel loved, secured , complete as a man. But now what all does this say about me ? That everything I had with her was a figment of my imagination. Infact more than figment .  It was a lie . Everything was right in from me and I could not see it. I just believed it . All of it .  Nothing . No sentence , no punishment, no revenge could ever come close to making up for what she has done. She . Me . Us was a lie. My life for 2 years was a lie. Every feeling. Every Memory. " These lines are one of my previous articles . But they make complete sense for this topic . As I was never involved in one and trusted her with my heart and soul I could never make out that I was just a rebound. In such relationships like which happened in mine things move fast . Everything seems rollercoaster , fast and exciti

  9th Sept. 2019 . This day holds a memory and something to which I am never proud of . But this very day is the day when I actually spoke to myself for the very first time . The entire concept of killing yourself is not easy . You really need to think a lot as how to do it . Hanging yourself was not my type of dying and being food critic I was never really into self poison. I have seen enough violent movies in my life to figure out dying .  I remember very clearly , how I kept sitting in my car with her gone upstairs . I was angry but sad, embarrassed, cheated,heart-broken and felt that my entire world just crumbled in front of me . And to that I was mere a spectator. Helpless. The feeling you get when the love of your life is killing you with words and radio silence is deafening . That is the moment I realised that I might be physically strong but it's her with words who is more powerful .  We reached home and she walked out of the car . Walking in her glory . And me sitting on t

Kurt Vonnegut , who was in some ways an extremist about love but also had a healthy dose of irreverence about it , in The Sirens of Titan : A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved. Anaïs Nin , whose  wisdom on love  knew no bounds, in  A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin & Henry Miller, 1932-1953 : What is love but acceptance of the other, whatever he is. Stendhal  in his fantastic 1822  treatise on love : Love is like a fever which comes and goes quite independently of the will. … there are no age limits for love. But perhaps the truest, if humblest, of them all comes from Agatha Christie, who echoes Anaïs Nin above in her autobiography - It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them. Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection,

  Sometimes , you just think about someone with nothing in mind . It's just a pure emotion . You like them as a person , human being & a little more than friend . But again you haven't expressed and probably no intention in near future.  You just want to connect with them but they seem far away in distance . I recently felt the same .I wonder if she ever dreams of me and never tell me like I never tell her. So this is me expressing ...Truthfully .  The day ended and I dialled the favorite number , It ranged five times before I disconnected & wondered, I smiled , and expected a call back , Seconds become minutes, minutes into an hour . Maybe she slept ; said the heart ,  Maybe she's angry the head , maybe bad timing said the roomie ; The confusion kept me up till the fatigue took control , Morning brings to the conclusion, Speaking Truthfully, I miss you more than you do me .